Reasons for being

I’ve decided to eat raw vegan because I want to be present in life’s best moments and to feel like I’m actually a living human being.

Recently, I’ve gone through quite a few life transitions. And not just any kind – these ones are the ‘your dreams are coming true’ kind. The biggest change would be landing the role of management consultant at my dream company. They’re kind and they treat people well. On top of this, I’ve started dating someone for whom I have that ‘it’s different’ feeling. I’ll feel immediate happiness when good things happen but overwhelming anxiety/depression quickly follows. Everyday is a ‘mental health day’.  I don’t feel that abundant elation and deep appreciation for what I know I’m lucky to have. And that scares me. Being present for life’s best moment is what I consider the best part of living.

There’s a correlation between how I eat and how I live my life. Currently, I eat because I crave something I have a deficiency for, not so much that I’m hungry. I eat on-the-go, and often, while doing something else. The food I eat doesn’t feel like it’s nourishing me, just filling a space. And this is how I currently live my life – reactive, on-the-go and rarely present. I tend to think this is what my job demands but truthfully, this is me not doing my job well.

One of the things that drives me to do my job is that I get to help people, and helping people requires feeling empathy and feeling the pain of the problem. While my rational brain is working well, my feeling brain is in a comatose state with all the thoughts that come with anxiety/depression. In my eyes, I’ve only working at half-capacity. This also scares me a lot because work takes up nearly all of my waking life.

So please, raw vegan gods – nourish me so that I feel alive, so that I can help people well.

CK

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